I was browsing some blogs and came across a particularly useful blog, with a particularly useful post about online shopping. As we all know department stores and malls price their products excruciatingly high, higher than they really should be priced. Stores take large cuts from the sale for profit, and usually don't even give you what you want. Half the time I end up returning my things because that's just how I am.
Well The Genie knows his way around the very special internet, and where to get absolutely killer deals on all kinds of stuff. I read his post about Woot! and it reminded me of some websites that I know of. Woot! is a very special online shopping website, where they feature one item and one item only, either until the item sells out, or until midnight wherever the site is located. Usually the deals are incredible, and they offer cool stuff. Not like knick knacks that nobody really wants, they sell really awesome stuff!
When I read his post it reminded me of some websites that I know about that I don't think many people do. Now these websites are more specific to the interests of people who partake in sports such as cycling, snowboarding, motocross, wakeboarding, that sort of thing. But at the same time, even if you don't partake in these sports, often times you will find killer deals on jackets and clothes also. These websites are as follows:
www.tramdock.com/
www.whiskeymilitia.com/
www.chainlove.com/
www.steepandcheap.com/
www.bonktown.com/
www.1saleaday.com/ (provided by Sweeeeeetas)
Like I said these websites offer amazing deals, but the product doesn't stick around long so if you see something worth buying, get it while it's hot.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
Restoring Sanity
So yesterday was a long day for me. After reviving a heartbreaking phone call from my mom, once again, I spent a few hours on my computer, making blogs and updating Facebook and all that good stuff (I've found that blogging will be the next big blow up with teenagers on the internet, it seems social networking like MySpace and Facebook are being overpopulated with tweens...). I drove to my moms house to spend time with her, and of course, the first thing that came out of her mouth was "NO! Get out. GO! GO! Leave! Ugh, you really got me in a mess this time." This "mess" she's talking about is the rehab program we scheduled. Actually she scheduled it, I simply dialed the number. I dialed the number because the first five times she tried doing it, she got the wrong number, and said "they blocked my phone". No... you just called the wrong number five times in a row...
Anyway she made an appointment, and I guess it's a "mess" according to her, and I'm the one who put her in it. I understand it's hard for extreme alcoholics to comprehend real life, but I'm at a breaking point with this, I'm not sure how much false finger pointing I can take. I've been taking the blame for ridiculous things like this from her all my life, but she's getting really serious about it. She's actually convinced herself that it's everyone else's fault that she has so many problems, and that she's done nothing wrong her whole life. You cannot convince that woman of anything. If she says the sky is red, well by god the sky is red.
But enough of my rants, I'mm try to keep those to as minimal as I can... I don't want my blog turning into a "look at me!" and "feel bad for me!" deal.
On a lighter note, this is the first time I've ever actually wished I lived on the east coast. No I'm not jealous of Snooki's golden orange tan, or The Situation's faux Italian lifestyle, and I'm definitely not jealous of their hurricanes. Hmm, well it definitely can't be Wall Street, I'm not jealous of their corruption... Hmm then what could it be?
My bro Dodd has the hook right here. The funniest Jew on television is undoubtedly John Stewart. Even if you don't like him, if you think his jokes are low-blows, or if you just fail to see the truth in his mockery, he is a funny dude. His best comic genius comes from solid attacks on unfaithful politicians, because someone has to do it. He like to point out the flaws in the system and how sneaky the power-elites are able to get by with such trash in our government. Most news television is trash to watch anyway, may as well get some laughs with Stewart and Colbert.
Bring in the National Mall, here comes the Million Moderate March. This will be a huge step for moderates and Libertarians all over the US, showcasing that fighting far right extremism with far left extremism is NOT the way American's want this nation to be run. War after war, protest after protest, can't we have some middle ground? If you live closer than I do to this gloriously hilarious event, I urge you to attend and show your moderate pride.
*quick 90 degree head turn* This just in, Google has sent me... MAIL! And not even that crap electronic mail, but REAL paper mail! I thought Google was an internet-only kind of guy, but I guess the search guru can still lick a stamp.
NO STAMP? Is Google evading POSTAGE TAX? Shame on you Google, Tax Fraud is only for wealthy movie stars! The contents of the note are about AdSense... AdSense, I know I've heard that somewhere... Oh! That's where Google puts ads in your blog, and you can make money from it, right? I think there's something about that on my home page, let me go look.
Oh my gosh!!! I've make $50!!! Wow how is this possible!!?? Making money online? That's not heard of, it's a scam! How is this possible???
Apparently there's also a PIN involved, and I have to use it in order to receive my money. Well Mr. Google, I'm not falling for your games. There is no way you can make money online, it's absolutely horse dung. Send your spam elsewhere. Or better yet, send me a can of Spam, I'm hungry. ;(
Well folks thanks for reading, I'm off to mail away a box full of broken computer parts and see if I can get some money back that way, a legitimate way, using real stamps.
Anyway she made an appointment, and I guess it's a "mess" according to her, and I'm the one who put her in it. I understand it's hard for extreme alcoholics to comprehend real life, but I'm at a breaking point with this, I'm not sure how much false finger pointing I can take. I've been taking the blame for ridiculous things like this from her all my life, but she's getting really serious about it. She's actually convinced herself that it's everyone else's fault that she has so many problems, and that she's done nothing wrong her whole life. You cannot convince that woman of anything. If she says the sky is red, well by god the sky is red.
But enough of my rants, I'mm try to keep those to as minimal as I can... I don't want my blog turning into a "look at me!" and "feel bad for me!" deal.
On a lighter note, this is the first time I've ever actually wished I lived on the east coast. No I'm not jealous of Snooki's golden orange tan, or The Situation's faux Italian lifestyle, and I'm definitely not jealous of their hurricanes. Hmm, well it definitely can't be Wall Street, I'm not jealous of their corruption... Hmm then what could it be?
My bro Dodd has the hook right here. The funniest Jew on television is undoubtedly John Stewart. Even if you don't like him, if you think his jokes are low-blows, or if you just fail to see the truth in his mockery, he is a funny dude. His best comic genius comes from solid attacks on unfaithful politicians, because someone has to do it. He like to point out the flaws in the system and how sneaky the power-elites are able to get by with such trash in our government. Most news television is trash to watch anyway, may as well get some laughs with Stewart and Colbert.
Bring in the National Mall, here comes the Million Moderate March. This will be a huge step for moderates and Libertarians all over the US, showcasing that fighting far right extremism with far left extremism is NOT the way American's want this nation to be run. War after war, protest after protest, can't we have some middle ground? If you live closer than I do to this gloriously hilarious event, I urge you to attend and show your moderate pride.
*quick 90 degree head turn* This just in, Google has sent me... MAIL! And not even that crap electronic mail, but REAL paper mail! I thought Google was an internet-only kind of guy, but I guess the search guru can still lick a stamp.
>:O
NO STAMP? Is Google evading POSTAGE TAX? Shame on you Google, Tax Fraud is only for wealthy movie stars! The contents of the note are about AdSense... AdSense, I know I've heard that somewhere... Oh! That's where Google puts ads in your blog, and you can make money from it, right? I think there's something about that on my home page, let me go look.
Oh my gosh!!! I've make $50!!! Wow how is this possible!!?? Making money online? That's not heard of, it's a scam! How is this possible???
Apparently there's also a PIN involved, and I have to use it in order to receive my money. Well Mr. Google, I'm not falling for your games. There is no way you can make money online, it's absolutely horse dung. Send your spam elsewhere. Or better yet, send me a can of Spam, I'm hungry. ;(
Well folks thanks for reading, I'm off to mail away a box full of broken computer parts and see if I can get some money back that way, a legitimate way, using real stamps.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Bored
"I have many exits like the minamiguchi,
you see that girl sporting the fake gucci?
I say she's my ticket as you look behind me,
she's my light and you say "who's she?",
She's my light and she shines so bright,
She shines so bright and keeps my sight,
If I want out, she says I must fight,
I must earn my mark by taking flight"
4:04
you see that girl sporting the fake gucci?
I say she's my ticket as you look behind me,
she's my light and you say "who's she?",
She's my light and she shines so bright,
She shines so bright and keeps my sight,
If I want out, she says I must fight,
I must earn my mark by taking flight"
4:04
Nothing like a tall glass of guilt to start the day...
So my mom just called me. I was knocked out when she called, but my trained ears have me turning over looking for my phone on the first vibrate. The conversation we had went something close to:
"****, where are you?
"At home..."
"Oh. Well why?"
"..."
"Well I called the rehab center and they said that if I miss my meeting on the 27th then They're going to put me at the end of the line again. So it look's like I'm going.
"... thats great"
"ARE YOU HAPPY?"
"Yeah, mom"
"it looks like I'm going on the 27th but if I miss going hunting [same day] then you're going to be taking me all the way to camp, YOU'RE going to be responsible! DO YOU GET IT?"
".... What I don't get is how you can pass off so much responsibility on to me..."
"Oh god" *click*
God? Seriously, I hope you're not going to start this Tea Partier bullshit on me.
Over the last few years she's been collectively turning every aspect of what's wrong in her life and blaming it on me, or my grandma, or anyone else who has very minor goof-ups. She thinks of herself as the all knowing being in the flesh, and won't let anyone tell her anything. In my eyes, she is literally the unstoppable force. If I give in, she takes advantage of me. If I stand strong, she creates a hurricane of chaos. How the fuck do I handle this? I've been extremely loving and faithful to her ever since I could make contentious decisions... and yet she turns the blame onto me, every time... She's been drunk almost half her life, she's delusional, mental, she's lost her mind... and I can't stand it... but I can't do anything to harm her...
So is this how I understand it, that if something goes wrong it's absolutely my fault? Great, doesn't sound like any other time in my life. Shouldn't be hard. It's not like I don't already visit her on my free time as often as I can to make sure she's doing well (which she usually isn't). It's not like I don't take time from my incresingly stressful life to drive her to the doctors, and the store, and to her friend's houses', and to the emergency room whenever she needs me to. It's not like I haven't spent my whole like being flexible around her, dropping whatever I'm doing at the sound of a call, in order to help her. It's not like I haven't giver her a back rub almost every time I've ever been with her. It's not like I don't get upset when she doesn't have money to buy me things for Christmas, or when she can't afford to give me money for lunch at school. It's not like I wasn't happy eating TV dinners for most of my time spent with her... It's not like I'm ungrateful or anything, and I'm absolutely not...
);
My stress load is reaching maximum...
"****, where are you?
"At home..."
"Oh. Well why?"
"..."
"Well I called the rehab center and they said that if I miss my meeting on the 27th then They're going to put me at the end of the line again. So it look's like I'm going.
"... thats great"
"ARE YOU HAPPY?"
"Yeah, mom"
"it looks like I'm going on the 27th but if I miss going hunting [same day] then you're going to be taking me all the way to camp, YOU'RE going to be responsible! DO YOU GET IT?"
".... What I don't get is how you can pass off so much responsibility on to me..."
"Oh god" *click*
God? Seriously, I hope you're not going to start this Tea Partier bullshit on me.
Over the last few years she's been collectively turning every aspect of what's wrong in her life and blaming it on me, or my grandma, or anyone else who has very minor goof-ups. She thinks of herself as the all knowing being in the flesh, and won't let anyone tell her anything. In my eyes, she is literally the unstoppable force. If I give in, she takes advantage of me. If I stand strong, she creates a hurricane of chaos. How the fuck do I handle this? I've been extremely loving and faithful to her ever since I could make contentious decisions... and yet she turns the blame onto me, every time... She's been drunk almost half her life, she's delusional, mental, she's lost her mind... and I can't stand it... but I can't do anything to harm her...
So is this how I understand it, that if something goes wrong it's absolutely my fault? Great, doesn't sound like any other time in my life. Shouldn't be hard. It's not like I don't already visit her on my free time as often as I can to make sure she's doing well (which she usually isn't). It's not like I don't take time from my incresingly stressful life to drive her to the doctors, and the store, and to her friend's houses', and to the emergency room whenever she needs me to. It's not like I haven't spent my whole like being flexible around her, dropping whatever I'm doing at the sound of a call, in order to help her. It's not like I haven't giver her a back rub almost every time I've ever been with her. It's not like I don't get upset when she doesn't have money to buy me things for Christmas, or when she can't afford to give me money for lunch at school. It's not like I wasn't happy eating TV dinners for most of my time spent with her... It's not like I'm ungrateful or anything, and I'm absolutely not...
);
My stress load is reaching maximum...
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Just stepped on a bee
>:O
It's probably been five+ years since I've been stung by a bee, and I gotta say, it's not as bad as I remember.
^^^ That happened to me once. A long long time ago, me and some of my friends were out plying in a pear orchard behind our middle school. We saw this box sitting alone by a tree... we knew it was a bee's box, so of course being children the first thing we thought was "let's throw a big ass rock at it!", and we did indeed. About a minute later, each of us looked that like lady up there, without the smiles. We thought if we just stood still they wouldn't notice us and just leave... LOL were we wrong...
About a minute later our nerves got the best of us, and the oldest of our group decided to book it like a mad man. Screaming, got his game face on, he charged the orchard and soon after, the rest of us followed. What's it like to see a bunch of kids covered in bees running and screaming across an orchard, flailing their arms like Michael Phelps on land?? Pretty fuckin' hilarious I would say.
Luckily for us though, we didn't get one single sting. Defective bees in Oregon, eh?
I've decided that I only want one video on my page at a time. Considering my blog settings are set to allow five posts per page, this means one video per five posts. On the contrary, I might find a particular video very alerting and "update" worthy, so there very well may be more than one video per page. But no more than two. Or three. Definitely no more than five, that's a promise. Unless it's a holiday, or Sunday. Exceptions apply.
These videos will most likely come from my favorites list on youtube, so expect to see a lot of cool/funny junk. I'm not a Vlogger myself so don't expect to see my ugly mug in any of these vids. But watch closely, you might see your ugly mug.
In honor of spazzy arms, I give you this.
This video was posted by another blogger just recently, hope copypasta doesn't offend you.
School
I just got a bill from the college I'll be attending. For the first term of the year my total comes out to be around $2,000. I'm so thankful for financial aid, without it there's no way I would even be thinking about going to school. None of my family has any reserves for me to go to college, I guess they just expected me to pay for it myself. Hopefully I can get financial aid all the way through college, it will be an incredible help. There's no way I could go without it. I almost feel bad for my family being so poor, but good things do come from bad I suppose. And I guess I could always join the military and have them pay off my loans, so there are many options for me! I'm so grateful. :)
In return for my happiness I'll drop some pics of my state that I enjoy.
In return for my happiness I'll drop some pics of my state that I enjoy.
Strange dreams are strange....
I was out back behind my house with my grandma and my neighbor. We were doing... something. Then my grandma went inside and it was just us, and my neighbor's girlfriend arived. I kept hinting that I wanted to go smoke with him and his girlfriend. We were talking about going on a walk and so when we did, we took a secret passage in a fence next to my house, through a door that's not there in real life. lol I was hitting on his girlfriend when he wasn't around... The moon was out and the clouds were bright. It was a gorgeous night..
The moon has always been a big symbol for me.. Ever since I was a kid it's been really important to me. It's given me strength whenever I watch it at night, and even in the daytime. Whenever I see it I feel OK, it makes everything in the world make sense all at once, like there's no problems with anything. As if even if life isn't going that great, the moon will still be there, night after night, no matter what. It's reliable, and magnificent. Goregous, absolutely breathtaking for me...
Then I had my feet in water... I was at an indoor pool... tons of kids were there, my age, some from my school... maybe all of them were from my school. Everyone had fishing poles and they were casting out... it's almost like the pool was the pool of life, and everyone was trying to get a good one for the future. Well... my fishing rod was flimsy and my hook was a soda can tab... maybe symbolizing my rough upbringing in life... I had my feet in the water and along came this shark and I couldn't stand it, it freaked me out so bad I had to take my feet out right before it passed. For some reason it was OK until he came really close to me... Now that I remember it, I think I was the only one (relatively close to me) who had their feet in the water, and no one else seemed to notice the shark but me.
And I was talking to one of my high school friends Drew... He kept asking me what my plans were for life. He was really excited about his cast and seemed to love what he was doing. I told him I'm not sure exactly what I was doing... that's around the time the shark came by. He passed my legs right when I woke up.
Honestly that's only part of it, I couldnt remember the whole thing, the beginning of this post starts somewhere in the middle of the dream. I've been having a lot of strange dreams lately. Like last night my dream was super crazy. I was trying to infiltrate this... fantasy house, CS_Assault status. But it was like a giant carnival ride, or a machine, it was moving around and... crazy shit was going on. It was like Mario land, honestly, and me and a buddy were trying to sneak in through the rafters. I made a distraction by dropping bombs down a ventilation shaft while he went in through the window. Then I posted up a sniper on the far corner and waited... next thing I know the whole place transformed and we were playing games for our lives, like real life Mario Party.
I don't know, I'm going to start recording my dreams more often. Are there any dream readers out there?
My dream kind of jumps all over the place. My neighbor and I were walking down my town's only main highway in the middle lane at night with my neighbor, and a copy of him ran up to my from the side of the road and yelled "I want a hug!" and so he ran up and I have him one. I haven't been really friendly with my new neighbor (he was my old high school Biology teacher's student teacher when I was going to that high school. Cool guy though.) so maybe this symbolizes I need to make friends with him before I leave away from home?
Then I had my feet in water... I was at an indoor pool... tons of kids were there, my age, some from my school... maybe all of them were from my school. Everyone had fishing poles and they were casting out... it's almost like the pool was the pool of life, and everyone was trying to get a good one for the future. Well... my fishing rod was flimsy and my hook was a soda can tab... maybe symbolizing my rough upbringing in life... I had my feet in the water and along came this shark and I couldn't stand it, it freaked me out so bad I had to take my feet out right before it passed. For some reason it was OK until he came really close to me... Now that I remember it, I think I was the only one (relatively close to me) who had their feet in the water, and no one else seemed to notice the shark but me.
And I was talking to one of my high school friends Drew... He kept asking me what my plans were for life. He was really excited about his cast and seemed to love what he was doing. I told him I'm not sure exactly what I was doing... that's around the time the shark came by. He passed my legs right when I woke up.
LOL
Honestly that's only part of it, I couldnt remember the whole thing, the beginning of this post starts somewhere in the middle of the dream. I've been having a lot of strange dreams lately. Like last night my dream was super crazy. I was trying to infiltrate this... fantasy house, CS_Assault status. But it was like a giant carnival ride, or a machine, it was moving around and... crazy shit was going on. It was like Mario land, honestly, and me and a buddy were trying to sneak in through the rafters. I made a distraction by dropping bombs down a ventilation shaft while he went in through the window. Then I posted up a sniper on the far corner and waited... next thing I know the whole place transformed and we were playing games for our lives, like real life Mario Party.
I don't know, I'm going to start recording my dreams more often. Are there any dream readers out there?
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Daily post...
How do you people like your coffee? This is a serious question.
Pic related, I like my coffee black as hell. I feel like I'm getting the full coffee experience when I drink it black. The dark robust flavor that you can only acquire when sipping the black mucky goodness from a white coffee mug... it's brilliant. It speaks to you as it flows down your throat, it says "Yes, I am a real person. I'm here to fuck shit up, kick ass and take names, and yes, my beard did just grow."
These coffee drinks, on the other hand...
These are pussy drinks. They're more like deserts than actual coffee. I'm not even sure if there's any coffee in there, to be honest. Not to mention they cost like three times as much as actual coffee does. Granted, that are delicious works of art, they are not coffee. It's like sugar with chocolate and ice, with a coffee shot, and whip cream on top.
Special coffee...
Special Coffee, this is the kind of shit French people make. Not that it's a bad drink, it's just there isn't hardly any coffee in it. It's mostly milk! Milk is good, and I suppose this drink would be better for you in the morning than regular black coffee, but it's... just... not the same.
The one that really, REALLY drives me nuts is the Americano. WTF is that? Its mostly water!! Why the fuck would you pay for watered down coffee? Most places I've been to a medium watered down coffee is like $2, when a medium cup of regular black coffee is around, well, $2. And people buy this shit! Do they really like watered down coffee, or do they just have no idea what's in their coffee? I'm going to take the latter, people are pretty dumb.
Anyway I'm done bitching. Here is one of my favorite coffee-wholesale websites. They offer TONS of flavors of coffee, from all over the world. It's kind of spendy, but they make great Christmas gifts, and the coffee is amazing... Mmmm..
Stay thirsty my friends.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Video Editing, on television???
I find it interesting, that politics uses the power of media to sway votes and opinions like this. If news sources are allowed to spread lies, or "semi-truths", then why call it a news source? Doesn't that defeat the purpose? Isn't this what we call brainwashing?
And the pain continues
I really don't know what to think anymore... or where to turn to help... or support. I'm vastly alone in this world.
My mom has had a terrible drinking problem ever since I could remember... I havent really recognized it as a big problem until recently when we've had to take her to the emergency room to get her stomach pumped... but that's jumping the gun. So here's a little history...
I was born in the beginning of the year of '91. A short year later (so short, I don't even remember it) my parents got a divorce. My mom got custody and the next thing I know we're living above a garage next to an overpass with one of her many boyfriends. He had a son and I didn't really like him, but as long as I was with my mom I didn't much care. I really don't even know how long we were there. The last I remember of that place was riding away in a police car because he hit my mom...
When I was about five years old, we moved to Alaska to stay with one of her other boyfriends. I guess she went to school with this guy. I quickly made friends with his kids, and to this day they are some of the best friends I ever had. Two boys and a girl, they were the closest thing to siblings I've ever experienced. About a year later I was flying solo on a plane back to Oregon to stay with my grandparents, my mom's parents.
My grandma was the greatest, she would do anything for me it seemed like. She washed my clothes, ran baths for me, cooked food for me, gave me candy, soda, and let me watch TV all day. Anything I wanted (as long as it didnt cost money), I thought it was great. Little did I know she has a compulsive behavior to treat everyone like a baby, and I was no exception.
Over the years of television, soda and candy I got fat, go figure. This is when I started missing my mom the most, when she wasn't around to enjoy life with me. So I enjoyed it double for myself.
When I was young I always thought I was doing something bad and my mom didn't want to see me anymore. I got it in my head that I was doing something wrong. So I decided to start paying attention. I started paying attention to everything I could... operation, cause and effect, human behaviors instantly became a big interest of mine. I would sit quietly and watch people... I would silently predict what they would say... and I would judge the outcome of the event. I would preview in my head a different universe, as if something different happened. Something more or less what the "right" answer would have been. When I enacted this process into my own home, into my grandparents home, that is when the shitstorm started. Instantly I found flaws in the system. I was young, and my thoughts didn't travel much farther than where they led me, so I didn't find many flaws right away. But slowly, over time, I found many, many flaws...
When I was in elementary school I found the internet. My first porn site was viewed somewhere close to 4th grade. I was instantly hooked. I believe this is what fed my need for rebellion, the information you could grasp from one website was more than what I was taught at home... the internet had become my new father.
Home... Where is my home? Is it my dad's house, where I was raised for a full year before the split up, and sometimes on the weekends? No, not there... was it near the overpass? Definitely not... Where was my home? Was it in Alaska surrounded by the best friends a kid could ask for? I was too young to know... Or is it where I reside today still, in the foundation of my grandparents? The same grandparents who told me it was wrong to ask "why", and said I need to just conform to their views or else be punished... I didn't think that was home. Back then, I would never call this place home. I just felt like... if I could only see my mom... then everything would be fine.
She wasn't here with me. In fact, I don't really know where she was. She would call me at night and tell me shes coming to pick me up... she told me to leave a note for my grandparents and pack my things and for me to wait for her... so of course I did, I was so excited I could barely sit still. She would pick me up in the old, dirty pickup and we would drive to... someone's house. It was usually someone new. There would be a bed laid out on the floor, or on the couch, and we would sleep next to each other, and I would feel like everything in the world was right once again.
Only for a day or so would this last, then I would have to go back to my grandparents place... weather school was starting again, or mom needed time to work things out with whoever she was with... only for a day or two I would see her. And then I was back into the grasps of my conformist grandparents...
My mom ran away when she was 14. She started smoking when she was 13, and she started drinking at 15. She dropped out of high school when she was 17 and no one saw her for a few years... Little to say, her and my grandparents were not close. My grandpa favored my mom's younger brother. In his eyes, my uncle didn't do anything wrong, he was the golden boy, and my mom was a failure. This drove my mom crazy. My grandma has no spine. She's like the worlds greatest babysitter, who always wanted to keep a close eye on you, but didn't want to take full responsibility of your development, so she just made sure the little things were in place and figured it was enough...
Now I'm 19... None of my family (with the exception of my dad's mom) has prepared any money for me for college. I'm driving a car that's older than me (which was given to me by my moms current boyfriend, probably one of the greatest men I've ever known), and I have a family tree thats broken and whithering. I don't do drugs or drink (in excess, I believe with moderation comes success). I have every asperation in the world to prove to my family that I didn't need them anyway... I want to prove to them that even though I've basically been taking care of myself since I was ten, that I can make it in life. I want to prove to them that even though I was rebellious and different, that I can still be a good person, better than they were. I want to prove to them that They were wrong about all the negative things they've said to me over the years...
My grandpa is a racist. My grandma is ignorant and rides a high horse. My dad is irresponsible. My mom is an alcoholic. Where do they expect me to go in life?
My mom has had a terrible drinking problem ever since I could remember... I havent really recognized it as a big problem until recently when we've had to take her to the emergency room to get her stomach pumped... but that's jumping the gun. So here's a little history...
I was born in the beginning of the year of '91. A short year later (so short, I don't even remember it) my parents got a divorce. My mom got custody and the next thing I know we're living above a garage next to an overpass with one of her many boyfriends. He had a son and I didn't really like him, but as long as I was with my mom I didn't much care. I really don't even know how long we were there. The last I remember of that place was riding away in a police car because he hit my mom...
When I was about five years old, we moved to Alaska to stay with one of her other boyfriends. I guess she went to school with this guy. I quickly made friends with his kids, and to this day they are some of the best friends I ever had. Two boys and a girl, they were the closest thing to siblings I've ever experienced. About a year later I was flying solo on a plane back to Oregon to stay with my grandparents, my mom's parents.
My grandma was the greatest, she would do anything for me it seemed like. She washed my clothes, ran baths for me, cooked food for me, gave me candy, soda, and let me watch TV all day. Anything I wanted (as long as it didnt cost money), I thought it was great. Little did I know she has a compulsive behavior to treat everyone like a baby, and I was no exception.
Over the years of television, soda and candy I got fat, go figure. This is when I started missing my mom the most, when she wasn't around to enjoy life with me. So I enjoyed it double for myself.
When I was young I always thought I was doing something bad and my mom didn't want to see me anymore. I got it in my head that I was doing something wrong. So I decided to start paying attention. I started paying attention to everything I could... operation, cause and effect, human behaviors instantly became a big interest of mine. I would sit quietly and watch people... I would silently predict what they would say... and I would judge the outcome of the event. I would preview in my head a different universe, as if something different happened. Something more or less what the "right" answer would have been. When I enacted this process into my own home, into my grandparents home, that is when the shitstorm started. Instantly I found flaws in the system. I was young, and my thoughts didn't travel much farther than where they led me, so I didn't find many flaws right away. But slowly, over time, I found many, many flaws...
When I was in elementary school I found the internet. My first porn site was viewed somewhere close to 4th grade. I was instantly hooked. I believe this is what fed my need for rebellion, the information you could grasp from one website was more than what I was taught at home... the internet had become my new father.
Home... Where is my home? Is it my dad's house, where I was raised for a full year before the split up, and sometimes on the weekends? No, not there... was it near the overpass? Definitely not... Where was my home? Was it in Alaska surrounded by the best friends a kid could ask for? I was too young to know... Or is it where I reside today still, in the foundation of my grandparents? The same grandparents who told me it was wrong to ask "why", and said I need to just conform to their views or else be punished... I didn't think that was home. Back then, I would never call this place home. I just felt like... if I could only see my mom... then everything would be fine.
She wasn't here with me. In fact, I don't really know where she was. She would call me at night and tell me shes coming to pick me up... she told me to leave a note for my grandparents and pack my things and for me to wait for her... so of course I did, I was so excited I could barely sit still. She would pick me up in the old, dirty pickup and we would drive to... someone's house. It was usually someone new. There would be a bed laid out on the floor, or on the couch, and we would sleep next to each other, and I would feel like everything in the world was right once again.
Only for a day or so would this last, then I would have to go back to my grandparents place... weather school was starting again, or mom needed time to work things out with whoever she was with... only for a day or two I would see her. And then I was back into the grasps of my conformist grandparents...
My mom ran away when she was 14. She started smoking when she was 13, and she started drinking at 15. She dropped out of high school when she was 17 and no one saw her for a few years... Little to say, her and my grandparents were not close. My grandpa favored my mom's younger brother. In his eyes, my uncle didn't do anything wrong, he was the golden boy, and my mom was a failure. This drove my mom crazy. My grandma has no spine. She's like the worlds greatest babysitter, who always wanted to keep a close eye on you, but didn't want to take full responsibility of your development, so she just made sure the little things were in place and figured it was enough...
Now I'm 19... None of my family (with the exception of my dad's mom) has prepared any money for me for college. I'm driving a car that's older than me (which was given to me by my moms current boyfriend, probably one of the greatest men I've ever known), and I have a family tree thats broken and whithering. I don't do drugs or drink (in excess, I believe with moderation comes success). I have every asperation in the world to prove to my family that I didn't need them anyway... I want to prove to them that even though I've basically been taking care of myself since I was ten, that I can make it in life. I want to prove to them that even though I was rebellious and different, that I can still be a good person, better than they were. I want to prove to them that They were wrong about all the negative things they've said to me over the years...
My grandpa is a racist. My grandma is ignorant and rides a high horse. My dad is irresponsible. My mom is an alcoholic. Where do they expect me to go in life?
My grandma is one of those older types
who thinks the world is going to end any day now, and decided to can everything under the sun.
No, ok that's an exaggeration. She only cans about ten different things. She just makes like 1000 jars of each item. Peaches, pears, green beans, okra, and salsa are her favorites. I'm not a big fan of her cooked salsa, but yesterday she surprised me with an AMAZING batch of fresh salsa. I was definitely in love. Fresh salsa is one of my favorite things of all time. ALL TIME.
Just had lunch. Yes, it is 5:16, so I suppose I should call it dinner. Then my next meal will hopefully be much later tonight, because it was a beast. I unthawed a chicken wiener on the bbq, and let it sit. Then I got some smoked salmon a family friend of ours brought by yesterday. I unthawed a hotdog bun and grabbed the Worcestershire sauce from the fridge, and grabbed the tongs of justice.
Ten minutes or so on Medium heat, flip three times, sauce every flip... toast bun on last flip... take that bitch off the grill. :o Now... ASSEMBLE! Cut up the sausage, place evenly on toasted bun, apply smoked salmon inserts, and you have the most amazing meal you could come up with in an instant with a stocked fridge like mine. :D
Fuckin' justice.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Hording
I spent the last few hours helping my grandma clean out our shed in the back yard. It's a small blue shed that needs a new coat of paint, it was built some thirty years ago. Well over the years it's been packed and crammed full of things that has been collected, and now there's no room left! Well, there's plenty of room now that all the stuff is outside stacked against the fence.
Anyway so since this included lifting heavy things, my grandma couldn't do much work and I ended up doing most of it. Lots of old stuff from my mom and uncle's past were in here. lol, I found a bunch of old love letters of my uncle's, and of course I read one of them! "Money is no issue if I don't have you to share it with! Please come home soon! I'm so faithful, ooooooohhhhhhooohohohohohohohohohohoho!!!!" I lolled.
Also... as I was cleaning the very last bit of things from the top most ledge of the highest shelf, I found... I found... half a nug of Oregon's finest ;) I'll be accepting that as a reward for volunteering my body for the elderly.
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